#6: Submit your letter of resignation due to an extramarital affair the same week that Newsweek runs a profile on you. (WAIT WHAT??!)
UPDATE: More details from USA Today.
According to Slate, the author of this article I screenshotted above, Paula Broadwell, was the person Petraeus had an affair with. She was also the author of a recent book about him.
NO. NO. YOU’RE LYING.